Back when I was a bit younger, say 10, 11, 12, 13, I wrote fanfiction. I wrote A LOT of fanfiction. Mostly Marauders (esp James and Lily), and the occasional bits of Twilight and Artemis Fowl. I loved it so much, until I got to high school and realised how lame it was. I mean, why can’t I write about my own characters? My own worlds? Why do I have to be so obsessed with fictional worlds? Then came my dark phase of never writing, unless it was mid-depressive phase and I was getting out all the ugly emotions. I felt so uninspired with my own characters, even though not long before that I was non-stop writing all these little one-shots about the Marauders. I made up this huge stigma about fanfiction, and it meant that I stopped doing something that I love.
Now, I try to keep my fangirling to things like playing Hamilton constantly since November until I swapped to Moana, and looking and Dan and Phil fan art and fan theories, and scrolling through everything Instagram has to offer on different tags. It’s like I’m a massive fan, but on my terms. I wouldn’t really call myself part of the fandom. I
would probably really enjoy reading fanfiction (okay, maybe not of real life people), and then writing my own. It’s better than everything I’m not writing! But I can’t stop thinking about the endless amount of porn that’s out there, and how I’d hate that people would think I wrote that sort of stuff. I swear I’d just write cute little Angelica and Alexander conversations where the sexual tension is unbearable but never acted on! I’m a good child! And it’s not as if I’d tell anyone in real life anyway, it’d just be my internet people that’d know about it, and if you’re going to think that’s cringy, you’d be cringing by now.
So, what’s the problem? Am I really that opposed to feeling like I’m a weirdo that I won’t do something I could enjoy? I won’t even read it, just because I know that it’s an endless hole that I won’t get out of. Surely reading it isn’t that dangerous, right? Even with a never ending list of other books that I want to read?
Listen, this post isn’t going anywhere. It’s just my rambly thoughts. And I’m interested to know how you all feel about fanfiction – do you read it? Write it? Live and breathe it? Or are you on the opposite, more judgy side with me?