So, if you missed the first half of the story yesterday, you can read it here. Unless you’re an irl friend, then please stop. We’re carrying on from Friday night, pals being pals, hanging out and drinking. A note; drinking rarely works for us as a group. I stay mostly sober (this night, completely sober), and drama almost always happens. Woo.
So, everyone is drinking, cool cool. We’re good, we’re friends, stuff happens that isn’t relevant right now, but may be relevant another time. Another girl comes over, a friend of Zeus’s, and when the others go out for their own walk, me and her and another girl decide to stay. We’re chatting, all good, and Zeus comes storming back in the room after this walk, absolutely fuming. I mean, I’ve never seen him this mad. So, we’re trying to get him to talk, and making sure he doesn’t break anything (because he was very close to breaking his keyboard), when the girls come back in. Here’s another place where I messed up – I was stressed about my lil friend, and all I knew was that something happened on that walk that made him mad. So, I accused the girls of doing something wrong, or at least not telling me something that might have set him off. Obviously, no one likes being told they did something wrong, and I was so stressed that I didn’t stop for a second to think about that. I just kept asking and asking what had happened, ignoring them when they were clearly upset. Good one, me. But, nothing happened, and I’m still not sure what set him off.
Continue reading “And it gets even worse… (the week from hell pt3)”
Here’s the situation; a whole lot of drama has happened recently, and I’m not sure if I want to explain it all to you in detail. What I do want, though, is all the self-analysis that has come out of it. So, here comes a whole heap of posts about “the week from hell,” and we’ll see what comes out of them.
First, let’s introduce the “characters” of this sorry tale. We have Aphrodite, named because she’s dismissed as the pretty one, when she’s so much more than that. Athena, who’s intelligent, and definitely not someone you want against you in a fight. Zeus, who’s becoming the centre of our group (or world, whatever) even though no one is entirely sure if he’s deserving of it, and is likely to banish us from Olympus or strike us with lightening at any second. And finally, Apollo, because I just know how much he’d love to think he’s our light and sun. A side note; if you’re any of these people, or know the names of any of these people, please stop reading. This post is for me, not for you. Continue reading “Crushes and love and stuff (the week from hell pt1)”
People suck. That includes me, but man, people suck. Basically, a whole load of drama has happened over the last couple of weeks that I won’t really go into (or will I? unsure), and now I’ve lost/damaged three friendships. There’s two problems with this; first, that I had a crush on one of these people, and I so shouldn’t have (not the first time I’ve done this), and second, that I was the one apologising for all the things they did wrong. To be clear, I did A LOT wrong – I was jealous of the boy being friends with girls, I never talked about my emotions and problems, I assumed stuff that turned out to be wrong, and spoke on behalf of other people based off some of that, etc etc. What makes me mad, though, is that the people affected by it didn’t deal with it in the best way, and I got to a point where I was basically begging for them to forgive me.
Continue reading “Sick of saying sorry”
I’ve forgotten how to write.
I put pen to paper, or fingers to keys, and all I can picture is him, watching. Reading my every word, and critquing them and laughing with the people who once called me friends. Reading this, now, and reading it wrong, and never giving me a chance to read it to them differently. Reading everything and making me the villain because of it. Or worse, reading it and never letting me know. Or worse again, reading the words I try to hide, in a book that he asks his friends to steal from me. It’s impossible to write for an audience that may or may not be there.
I’ve forgotten how to write, on here. Continue reading “Some thoughts on writing, from your resident Sad Person”
You know those late-night thoughts you have when you cant sleep, or thoughts you have in the shower? Yeah, this was one of those. Both of those, actually. Basically, I have a “saving people thing” (as Hermione describes it to Harry), and its almost definitely not healthy.
Let’s talk fictional, to start with. I LOVE a broken character. I love Draco Malfoy, and Bucky, and Jem Smith, and Adrian Ivashkov, and Jughead Jones, and a hundred other small broken boys (not girls, huh – but that’s an observation for another day). I love them because of how problematic they are, and I want to protect them from the cruel world, especially when they show a little bit of emotion and wanting to change. All good, right? Except, the problem is, I’m starting to think this is happening to me in real life. Well, maybe I’m just realising it more with this friend group than I have before. Because, damn, it has happened before. With my exes and ex-crushes in particular, who always seem to have something, from my boyfriend with injuries that he struggled with, to a crush who got the occassional anxiety attack. Obviously, they’re so much more to me than that, but is it becoming a trend? What do I notice first, and what draws me to them?
Continue reading “A “saving people thing””
A little while ago I got into a deep and meaningful chat with one of my bestest friends, about something I do a lot that’s a bit of a problem. Basically, I accidentally ditched her to hang out with other people at a party, and she called me up on it, saying that I hang out with one of these people a lot in particular. She said that I often “embody the personalities of the people you’re around,” and I knew that I took on a lot of mannerisms of the people I’m closest to, but this was something completely new to me. As soon as she said it though, and told me that I’d done it before with my American sister, I realised that she was completely right, it’s something I do a lot. It’s probably a flaw, really, since it ends up with me doing things like abandoning my friend at parties when she isn’t close with anyone else there!
Continue reading “My Biggest Flaw”
Until just the other night, I’d never really been in a situation which was a proper emergency. And don’t worry, this situation felt like a crisis at the time, but it’s all fine now! What I found really interesting was how differently me and my friend handled it.
So, setting the scene. Me, my best friend, and my other best friend/her boyfriend, staying in my room after a party. He fell asleep, we stayed up talking for ages. He woke up, a bit drowsy but enough to talk to us. He needed to pee, so he got up to go. When you walk out my door, there are two doors going to other bedrooms, and one going into the lounge that’ll lead you to the bathroom. Apparently, this was too much, and he seemed to get a bit lost. We could hear him breathing right by my door, so my friend got up, and I heard her telling him she’d help him get to the toilet. Weird, but he’s just tired, of course. It was 4:30am, fair enough! Continue reading “Handling a Crisis”