Writing to be THE BEST, and not just for fun

I recently wrote a post about fanfiction, and how I used to be avid writer of it. A lot of the comments were telling me, hey, just go for it! Write that Remus/Sirius love story if that’s what you want to do, it’s up to you! And when talking to someone called Brandy Davis, I realised something – I’ve stopped writing for me, and started writing in the hopes of achieving something great. 

There’s the obvious, that I want to become a famous author or something. No matter what you say, I think everyone secretly wants to be the next J.K. Rowling. But we can all overlook that for the sake of just writing for the joy of writing. Can’t we?

The last time I wrote properly was during NaNo last November, which is a challenge to write an entire novel in a month. I’m currently trying to do Camp NaNo too (but we’ll get to that). I came up with a new idea, and I wrote and I wrote and I wrote. Then, I realised a critical flaw in my novel, and I just… stopped. I felt like I had to be working towards a novel, that would eventually be published, or at least make me win NaNo, otherwise there was no point. 

My Camp NaNo goal is only 10,000 words, and this post counts as some of them. Now that I’ve realised that writing has become an achievement instead of something I enjoy, I’m trying to challenge myself to just get words down, whatever words those might be. And even then, I’m struggling! I want to pick out old novel ideas and add to them or revise them. I have been writing, don’t worry, but I doubt I’ll get to that word goal. 

When did this change? When did writing become more of a chore than something I want to do? Younger me had endless notebooks full of short stories, and unfinished stories, and chapter 6 of a novel that never became anything. I used to sit in restaurants and flip my colouring page over and write all over the back of it, and use my Gran’s notebook to carry on the thrilling saga. I couldn’t get enough of it. 

My goal is to keep on writing, but I think it’s a matter of changing my mind-set. How do I do that though?? Do any of you feel like this as well?