Posted in A better look at me, Posts

My Biggest Flaw

A little while ago I got into a deep and meaningful chat with one of my bestest friends, about something I do a lot that’s a bit of a problem. Basically, I accidentally ditched her to hang out with other people at a party, and she called me up on it, saying that I hang out with one of these people a lot in particular. She said that I often “embody the personalities of the people you’re around,” and I knew that I took on a lot of mannerisms of the people I’m closest to, but this was something completely new to me. As soon as she said it though, and told me that I’d done it before with my American sister, I realised that she was completely right, it’s something I do a lot. It’s probably a flaw, really, since it ends up with me doing things like abandoning my friend at parties when she isn’t close with anyone else there!

I really really love this self-analysing stuff, especially when it’s something that someone else has noticed about me but I haven’t picked up on, so I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about it since she said it. My thing is, I go all or nothing with everything in life, like I talked about in this post, and people are no exception. So, with the girl I’ve just recently become really close to, I’m doing the same full obsession thing that I always do. It’s not that I don’t like my older friends, because I do, I love them to bits. I just like other people too, y’know?

And I don’t want to go and defend myself, because if I did something hurtful there’s really nothing I can say to change that. You can’t decide what should or shouldn’t hurt other people! But obviously the people I hang out with are pretty cool – if they weren’t, I wouldn’t want anything to do with them. I admire the people I hang out with for a whole load of different reasons, so if I’m taking on parts of their personality, is that really all that bad? Surely I’m improving the kind of person I am if I’m becoming more like the people I admire?

Or, on the other side of that, am I changing myself to fit in with other people? Maybe I subconsciously think that I need to act a certain way to be accepted by certain people. I don’t think is true at all, and I have been properly considering it. But it’s easily something that I could be doing, and that definitely would be a problem. You should never feel like you have to change to be liked by someone! 

So, here I am, post written, with no conclusions. I don’t think it’s something I need to change, but of course I don’t, otherwise I never would have done it in the first place. What do you think though? Am I a horrible friend, or can I carry on with my life as it is? Give me advice please??

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Author:

I was a book blogger for a while, and I now blog about every little thing in life I can think of. Bear with me while I try all these new posts out... I'm a New Zealand teen who gets angry about the world (but not angry enough for tumblr). I like to capture the world through photos and words, and read in all the moments in nz-squadbetween. I have an overwhelming desire to see every corner of the world I possibly can, and hug the people I love in all those corners. I can't do make up to save myself, and you're more likely to find me buying matching stationary than matching clothes. My nerd hobbies include a new found love of the Avengers, reading YA, watching Game of Thrones, How I Met Your Mother, and every vlogger I can find, and being the last person on the music bandwagons. I have big plans for the rest of my life, including university, teaching, travelling, and having an army of puppies. I plan to blog every second of it!

6 thoughts on “My Biggest Flaw

  1. I think it’s totally possible to have different groups of friends and to hang out with lots of people.

    The point where it becomes hurtful, at least in my experience, is when someone you thought was your friend consistently chooses to hang out with other people over you. When someone hangs out with their newer group of friends 3 times a week and can barely schedule you in, you start to take a hint. Particularly if inviting you to hang out WITH the new group of friends is apparently not an option, and the person seems to purposely be keeping their friend groups separate. I have had friendships end this way. As long as you’re not going that far and not actually ignoring certain friends, I don’t think it’s a problem. Or, really, ending a friendship isn’t “wrong” either, but I think people need to be careful about not accidentally ending friendships by repeatedly choosing not to hang out with certain friends.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That’s a really good point! I’m definitely not consciously doing it, but I’ll have to make sure I’m not doing it accidentally. I would hate to end this friendship, unless we naturally drift apart, so thank you for the advice 🙂

      Like

  2. Its not such a major problem I think. But you need to sit down and think about this: Are you giving very less attention and time to your friend as compared to what you did before? Because that ends up being very hurtful.

    You know, for example you’re spending an hour of the break you get at college with your friend everyday and then suddenly one day you start spending barely five minutes of that break with your friend; you might be doing it deliberately or it might not seem wrong to you, but it will most definitely hurt your friend.

    Hope this helps!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This is such a great, honest, and thoughtful post. I think though that we all do this to a certain extent. I’ve noticed it about myself too. I think altering your speech patterns or levels of excitement or chillness is fine in order to enjoy hanging out with different groups. For example, I can totally geek out over stuff like a 3 year old with some friends, but with others, I’m more reserved and chill because they are more reserved and chill. It doesn’t make me a two-faced person unless I alter more important things like values. I think it’s good to talk about and understand these things and hopefully find where the line is and whether it’s gone too far or just a natural adjustment. Especially if it might be making other friends upset.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much! Yeah, I think both sides (or multiple sides) are completely valid, and it’s really good to hear other people say so too. I think I’m essentially the same person though, I just present myself differently? I’ve had a lot of advice on how I make sure I’m not ruining the friendship, so I’m really glad I posted this!

      Liked by 1 person

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