The other night, I went to a party at a friends, which was the last gathering of their group of 25ish friends, plus some others (like me and my friends). I really had such a good night, I got about 3 hours sleep because we stayed over, we danced to old songs and those songs that everyone knows the moves to, played games like Mafia, and it was just SO MUCH FUN. At the end of it, though, people walked out that door and I had a sudden realisation that I’m never going to see most of those people again.
The people I care about, I’ll stay in touch with. Even if we drift apart, we’ll still try to start off with. I know some friendships will last a while, and some will fall apart almost straight away. They aren’t the ones I’m worried about, though. It’s the people that I barely ever talk to, but they’re still a big part of my life, generally just in little ways.
Let’s take my ex, for example. We started off being bffs in year 9, we dated through year 10, we hated each other in year 11, we had a strange “are we friends or enemies?” thing in year 12, and in year 13 we were happy to sit and talk to each other, although we didn’t all that much. The point is, he was always something, from the very first day when I laughed/related to him for dropping the Fruit Burst our form teacher threw at him. As a person, I’m not particularly going to miss him. I maybe regret not staying friends with him, but we didn’t, and there’s nothing I can do to change that now. But I’m NEVER GOING TO SEE HIM AGAIN. I’m moving, he’s… Moving? Staying? I don’t know? The point is, this person who I’ve been seeing every single day of my life for five years is just disappearing, and I’ll have no idea what he’s up to.
Same goes for my whole ex group of friends – the girl who knew every part of me better than anyone else in the world, the girl who painted my nails all the time because she was great and I was terrible, the boy I had a crush on but who was secretly gay, etc etc. We’re not close enough to stay friends, because our friend group happened to fall apart halfway through high school. There’s no hard feelings, we have a lot of mutual friends, or classes together, and we often sit together and have a good chat. I don’t tell them every single secret, but I can’t forget that that girl once knew my every little secret, and I knew all of hers. There are things you just can’t forget, no matter how many years pass. Again, I see these people every single day, and all of sudden I just… won’t. It’s so much different to the end of a friendship, because we’re not especially close. That won’t make it any less strange, though.
Basically, I keep disappearing off this blog for ages, then come back with a lot of emotions, and it’s a very weird thing. I’m just moving out soon, and am simultaneously excited and terrified. This is yet another thing that drives home how weird it is that I’m actually really leaving, and high school is over, and being a child is over. Ahhhhh.