You know how I talked about how all my stress was for nothing over that party? Yeah, this story isn’t the same. It’s not nearly as cheery.
So, about a year and a half ago I went to America, with a whole bunch of people from all over the world. One of these people was from Germany, and although we talked a bit, I wouldn’t say we were particularly close. He’s having a gap year, so he decided to come to New Zealand and stay with me for a bit. Like I said, I don’t deal with people well,so this had me on Maximum Stress.
The thing is, because we weren’t super close, I didn’t know how well we’d get on in real life. My worst case scenario brain thought that we’d hate each other and he’d have to go stay somewhere else, but my more realistic brain just thought that we’d be awkward. AND OH BOY ARE WE AWKWARD.
*pause for worst-case brain to worry that he’s reading this*
It’s not like I have a problem with him, and I’m pretty sure he doesn’t have a problem with me either. I mean, he might, but that isn’t what it feels like. It’s just like we’re really shy, and don’t know how to talk to other people. I’m trying SO HARD though, and there’s only so many questions I can ask before it becomes an interrogation. It’s me asking about him, instead of a conversation, and that fades fast into awkward silence.
It’s things like “So are you going to university next year?” “Yep.” … “What are you studying?” “Engineering.” “Are you staying at home?” “Yeah, if I get in.” AND YOU, VICTORIA? What are you studying? Dude, that’s the follow up question!! He answers everything I ask, he just doesn’t help the conversation carry on as much as it should.
I know I’m shy, and maybe if I was more confident it wouldn’t be that bad. After a very long bush walk I cleared my head, and convinced myself that this isn’t my fault, it’s mostly his. But still, some people are naturally really chatty, and you can’t be very silent around them, so that could probably help! Like I said though, I can’t be the one asking all the questions, he has to at least pretend he’s interested.
Apparently though, other people have managed to have proper conversations with him! He can be talkative?? Someone complained that he couldn’t get away, and was stuck in a conversation about alcohol. So maybe it is me a little bit, just not having the same interests, or maybe he talks more when he has alcohol in him, or maybe he doesn’t like me. Really WHO KNOWS.
He’s gone travelling around the country more now, visiting other friends that are scattered around and seeing places further south. Then he comes back temporarily and goes up north, probably. Yeah, he doesn’t have a lot of plans, he’s winging it as he goes along, which is a little frustrating for me trying to plan what I’m doing. Not a massive problem, though, just something to add to the list?
Honestly, every time I have to talk to him I stress, because it’s just so awkward. I’m trying, I really am, but there’s nothing I can do. This is just me venting. Man, social lives are hard, how do people handle them?