When you start out in a new place, you put yourself in a box. You’re the nerdy person, the sporty person, the dumb one, the smart one, etc etc. Ideally, you’re being as much yourself as you possibly can be, so sticking yourself in this box isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Look at it! Look at all these lovely people you’re in here with. You can stretch out your legs, have a nap, read a book. It’s a really nice, cosy box.
Wait a second. Is that box getting smaller? I’m sure my best friend was in here before. Where’d they go? Oh no, here come all those people that hate me after that one big argument. Oh god, I want to get out. I want to get out.
But I can’t. I’m trapped. No one’s going to open that door for you on the other side, because no one talks to people who aren’t in that box. No one cares if you don’t feel like you fit anymore; you chose that box, what are you doing complaining about it now?
This is what I feel like at high school right now. I was the nerdy smart girl, and I was fine with it. I do enjoy school, and I love a good book. Now, though, I want to start being more than that. Nerdy girls don’t go to parties, they stay at home so they can get the best grades. And sure, I don’t want to get ridiculously drunk, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to get invited out. I would love to get a little bit tipsy and dance around like a fool. I want a chance to be a fool!
It’s too late for me, though. I’ve chosen a box, and I’ll stick with it, dammit! It’s not like I have any other choice. I still like a couple of people in the box, but there are plenty of other people who fit into a hundred other boxes that I wouldn’t mind hanging out with. Maybe not permanently, maybe just for a holiday. One little shopping trip, or a weekend camping, or just anything I’ve never tried before. I love my friends, of course I do, but they aren’t the people I need to be with all the time. Sometimes, I need people who want to do something a little bit different to the things I do with my everyday life.
University is that new place that gives me a chance to change. Nothing drastic, but I can start working out that new person I haven’t had a chance to be. Only a few more months. I’m trapped for now, but I can get there.
Doodles and Scraps 
I totally relate to the stuck in a box thing. That’s what college feels like and I’ve only been there three weeks. I’m not sure which box I’m stuck in, but I’m stuck in the wrong box with friends, don’t get me wrong, but I can’t get out of the box and meet new people who I can actually be myself around instead of pretending and putting real self in a box inside a box so no one gets to know the real me. Idk if that makes sense aghh. I hope at uni you’ll be able to find a box that incorporates all the best people from a variety of boxes and you won’t feel trapped 🙂
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Oh no, it’s even worse when you’ve only just started in a new place! Sadly, I know exactly what you mean. Once you’re stuck, it seems impossible to get out. I want to give you advice, but if I had any good advice I’d be using it myself! We’re here for you though, you can always be yourself with the Squad 🙂 Thanks, I hope next year is a lot better!
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Yeah :(( I guess it’s still early days so if I really tried I could make new friends but sadly I’ve fallen back in to the habit of being ridiculously shy
when I started college I was more confident for some reason, maybe because I though it would be different to school but my friends have changed and become people I don’t want to be around anymore but I’m sort of stuck with them if that makes sense. But I’ll forever be grateful for the squad for accepting me for who I am and making me feel comfortable enough to be myself around you guys 💞 and you’re welcome 🙂
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Is there anyone you could sit next to in a class, maybe a class that your group isn’t in? I know, still terrifying, but maybe a little easier? I feel that struggle, I’m painfully shy too. And we love you to bits!! ❤
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I have managed to talk to some new people but only because my friends have made friends with them but like ah idk hopefully this week will be better. Thanks for your advice though, it’s good to know someone understands.💕
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Aw Em! Hopefully it’s going to keep getting better once you get used to being in a new place. And yes of course, always here to chat to if you need it ♥
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I’ve been there! The really ironic thing was when I started to come out of my box and started to discover what I like, I lost a lot of friends! But I’ve never been happier and probably healthier too! Drinking is over rated,lol…When I drink now I’ll drink to get tipsy and relax a little, but I got really sick of the hangovers!
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The thing with losing friends though is that in the long run (hopefully), you’ll find better friends! If they don’t like you as you, you definitely don’t need them, and it’s great you seem so positive about it 🙂 I’ll probably have the same thoughts as you about drinking, I just need that chance to properly try it out for myself, you know?
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I think I have been, I feel like I’ve been finding out whose really there and whose there for “the show”…
Just prepare yourself for the next day! Lots of headache, headache tablets and lots of greasy food, hehe
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That’s really good! Get those people out of your life as soon as possible 🙂
Haha, thanks for the advice!
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