Ugh

Basically, the title describes my mood at the moment. I’m not sad, or angry, or anything as simple as that. I just feel… ugh. Let me explain. 

You know when nothing you do is quite the right thing? That’s me at the moment. Books aren’t holding my interest, picking up a pen and trying to write feels futile. YouTube videos were perfect for a while, but there’s only so many you can do before you’ve maybe pre-filmed too far in advance. None of my colouring pages look appealing, and that’s the only art I do. And blogging ideas are very thin, maybe the reason behind too many reviews going up in a row. All of the things that you usually couldn’t stop me from doing seem boring, and useless, and can’t keep my attention for more than five minutes. Do you see what I mean? I feel ugh. 

Maybe a better word for it is restless. I want to go for a run, but since I’ve basically never run in my life, I’ve talked myself out of that one pretty fast. A walk doesn’t do the same thing, and there isn’t a sport I can start throwing myself into. It’s like I have a lot of pent up energy, and nothing to do with it all. It’s been a year since I was in America, and a year since I was getting up, going out, and falling back into bed, when sleeping was the only chance I had to rest. Maybe I feel like I want that same sort of constant fun, although I don’t know why it’s only resurfacing at the moment. 

What I’ve been doing instead is watching YouTube. You think I’m exaggerating, but if I’m not working, that’s almost all I’ve been doing. I Skyped my American sister for four hours the other day, and that was probably the most productive I’ve been outside of work for the last two weeks of school break. Hey, there’s a thought – maybe since I’ve been working so much, everything that isn’t earning me money feels useless. Not that a job is a bad thing. Having a job is the best thing. 

I don’t know if this post has actually helped me at all. I just know I had to write it – usually I barely talk about real life, but when I sat down to try and get something posted during the week, this is what my fingers started typing. No, it’s not edited. Yes, it’s probably a mess. It was really good to get out of my system though.