Sixteen-year-old physics nerd Aysel is obsessed with plotting her own death. With a mother who can barely look at her without wincing, classmates who whisper behind her back, and a father whose violent crime rocked her small town, Aysel is ready to turn her potential energy into nothingness.
There’s only one problem: she’s not sure she has the courage to do it alone. But once she discovers a website with a section called Suicide Partners, Aysel’s convinced she’s found her solution: a teen boy with the username FrozenRobot (aka Roman) who’s haunted by a family tragedy is looking for a partner.
Even though Aysel and Roman have nothing in common, they slowly start to fill in each other’s broken lives. But as their suicide pact becomes more concrete, Aysel begins to question whether she really wants to go through with it. Ultimately, she must choose between wanting to die or trying to convince Roman to live so they can discover the potential of their energy together. Except that Roman may not be so easy to convince
I really feel like this book doesn’t deserve all the hype and praise that it’s getting. There are so many aspects I really enjoyed, but in the end, I put this book down and didn’t feel enthusiasm to pick it back up again.
What I really loved was the way Aysel described her depression. For me, I’m very lucky to say I don’t get it at all. I can never understand what would make a person want to kill themselves, and I’m so happy that I don’t get it. This book explained it to me so well though. I still didn’t 100% get it, but seeing it all through Aysel’s eyes made me understand her perspective a whole lot more. Here’s what I do know, though – nothing about depression or suicide or any mental illness is pretty. There’s nothing exciting or romantic about it, and happily ever afters are the exception, not the norm. I felt like this book made it seem a lot nicer than it really is. By meeting Roman, her suicide partner, her life really started to improve, and by the end of it, we had a pretty happy ending. A book like this is the kind of book I pick up knowing I’m going to cry. No tears, though. Not one. Depression is a sad and scary thing, I wanted to feel pain! I don’t know what it was, but I just couldn’t get upset. I think I would have liked this better if the author hadn’t romanticised metal illness, and given us the raw pain that it actually gives you.
It was a bit to do with the characters, too. Aysel had a pretty good reason, and being inside her head, we got to know all the ins and outs of what she was thinking and why she wanted to end it. I did really like reading her story, and finding out more and more about her dad as the book went on. With Roman, though, it took a long time to connect to him. Understandably, he didn’t want to share his story straight away, but once he did he was so matter of fact about it that it didn’t make me feel for him. It was a tragic event, but there was nothing special about Roman, if that makes any sense. I felt equally as sorry for his mum, who only popped into the story briefly to guilt trip Aysel about her plan. Gotta love those sorts of completely necessary characters…
Basically, I’m disappointed. I wanted to feel all of the pain, and I felt hardly any of it. I understood Aysel, but barely understood Roman. And the ending… Ugh. Don’t talk to me about the ending!