In books, we have a pretty standard romance. Boy meets girl. They fall for each other. They live happily ever after. We meet our “perfect guy”. What makes them perfect? What makes them so different from the rest?
There’s the obvious guys that everyone falls for. Jace Wayland, Augustus Waters, Dimitri Belikov, Peeta Mallark, etc etc. We love them for their sarcasm, their big romantic gestures and one-liners, their protective nature. We love how they love the girl. That’s what makes them the so lovely, and so easy to fall for.
Does that make them perfect? Or does it give us expectations for something that’s just not going to happen?
Let’s face it, if Augustus came up to you with those sweet lines, you’d fall for him in a heartbeat. And if we go to a meeting “in the literal heart of Jesus”, we’re bound to fall in love. It’s inevitable, right?
Now think of all the guys you know. Yes, every single one. Even that guy who picked his nose on the mat in primary school. How many of them are as perfect as Augustus? Or as sarcastic as Jace? How many would help you escape Dauntless so you don’t become factionless? Or kill for you in the Hunger Games? Or kiss you in the Chamber of Secrets? Don’t get me wrong, my boyfriend and my guy friends are fantastic. But that’s just not going to happen.
We think they’re perfect. But are they? I think we see them as perfect because that’s what we want. We all want to feel like a queen sometimes. And these guys would make us feel like one. Real life guys just won’t. It’s impossible. 
So what do we do? Do we get rid of the perfect characters? Do we just need to learn to set our expectations lower? Or do we hold out for that perfect guy?
According to my poll results, you want more discussions. So, here we go then! I want to know ALL your thoughts on what I talk about. I mean it, all of them! Why are you still here? Go, comment!
This is an interesting topic. I think boys in books seem so attractive is because they are designed to be that way, if not to us, at least to their romantic interest. And since the love interest is often the protagonist, it’s easy to project their romantic gestures onto the reader.
That being said, I don’t think I’d be happy with Jace or Augustus, and (rather ironically) it’s because the former is way too sarcastic to the point of insulting and the latter is kind of pretentious.
And yet seeing those flaws makes me like their dynamic with the love of their life. I don’t think we find “the perfect guy” in books attractive because of who he is or what he does in general. It’s that he knows what to do to make the girl feel special, which makes him perfect for that specific female character.
And I don’t think that’s a terrible thing. Wanting to find someone who understands you and what you like and how to make that a reality for you isn’t a bad thing. And it’s why the projection from the protagonist to the reader works. We want to find someone who will do that thing that made the protag all gushy inside.
My one complaint about “the perfect guy” is that sometimes they are written such that the female doesn’t have to reciprocate. And I find that crazy. The point of a relationship is that it is a mutual affection. So when I read about “a perfect guy” I look at the relationship he maintains with his partner. How do they talk? How do they help and support each other? When they fight, how do they resolve it? What do they do for each other? And most importantly: how real is it?
And how well that interaction plays out is, what I think, we’re attracted to.
Ah, sorry about the long comment, but that’s what I think.
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Don’t ever apologise for a long comment, they’re great!! I hadn’t really thought about it like that. You’re right, it’s often about how they act instead of who they are. Most of them do have fantastic relationships.
I hate couples who are one sided. I think that’s part of why we start to expect perfect guys like that, without doing any work ourselves. Books are putting unnecessary pressure on guys to be like that, which isn’t fair. But we do deserve someone who loves us. It’s difficult to find the perfect in between
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This was a really insightful discussion. Being bookish we all have horrendously high expectations of the perfect guy and therefore reject the guy who may have been perfect for us. They just didn’t meet expectations of having something similar to the ‘okay? okay.’ I think it’s great to have high expectations, but I think it’s also a good idea for one to get their head out of the clouds too. I don’t think that writers should get rid of the perfect characters because for girls with completely average boyfriends (compared to boys in books) or girls that don’t even have boyfriends they need the perfect guys to mentally date haha!
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Good point! Fangirling is necessary 😛 We just need to have medium expectations, not too high
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I was actually just thinking about this. My fiancé is literally the polar opposite of the fictional men I tend to gravitate towards (and develop unhealthy obsessions over… ). However, I (obviously) love my fiancé to death, even though I wouldn’t love him as a character in a book. It’s quite strange to think about. Lol.
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Yeah, that is odd! It’s good that books haven’t changed your point of view too much 🙂
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I don’t necessarily believe in the “perfect” person but instead in the perfect person for you. That one person who gets you, who understands your quirks even if they don’t necessarily find them adorable every second of every day. The person who can put up with you when you’re insanely happy about something that seems trivial or insanely bummed out because of something that seems trivial. The person that you want to tell good news to first and be the first to share a hug with when it’s been a bad day (for either of you!)
I sometimes feel like romantic comedies and romantic books have placed unrealistic expectations for how a romance can or should unfold. It’s easy for a guy or gal in a movie, tv show, book, etc. to say the perfect thing in the situation because the author has crafted it to happen that way. Real life can sometimes have misunderstandings and foibles…or not having that perfect word or action in the moment.
I’m fortunate that I’ve found my perfect person for me and that she feels I’m the perfect person for her. We don’t always get it right like the books do, but we do pretty well.
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Yeah, that’s completely true. You say you’ve found your perfect person, but I might not even like them. It’s kind of odd how no one views one person the same.
Nothing can be perfect, that’s what we need to realise. Just because they are in movies, doesn’t mean they are in real life
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I love the idea of a “perfect guy” and so that’s what books are for! In reality, you might not find him when you want to – particularly when you’re looking – but the romantic in me thinks there’s someone out there for everyone who gets you, and is perfect for YOU.
Most recent post on Enchanted by YA: http://enchantedbyya.blogspot.co.uk/2015/03/review-roses-by-g-r-mannering.html
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Yeah, it’s specific to us. There’s no general perfect guy – but they’re fun to fangirl over 😛
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I came over here from your link on my blog – thanks for directing me here! it’s my first time commenting so I look forward to having good look around 😀
Great post. I think sometimes even though characters are perfect on paper, they wouldn’t be in real life (Augustus’s pretentiousness would totally annoy me).
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You’re welcome 🙂 Thanks for visiting!
I agree, I would get so mad at Augustus. Like the thing with the cigarettes? It’d be so annoying!
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